Midnight Memories

Yesterday, I attended the One Direction concert here in Cleveland and I learned many things.

First, let's rewind to last September when tickets first went on sale.

Actually, let's go back even further to summer of 2012 when 'What Makes You Beautiful' was one of the biggest songs.  At first, I was annoyed with the song.  It was always on the radio, people were always singing it in public, and it was just in my face EVERYWHERE.  I was sick of it and would piss and moan every time I heard it.  Then, one of my best friends and I would hear it while heading to or home from the beach that summer and ironically I would sing along.  LeakyCon Chicago came around near the end of that summer and the song was still in full force.  People were jamming to it around the hotel and of course it was played at the Ester Earl Charity Ball where hundreds of us were jamming.  I had started to grow an appreciation for the song.

Time went by and I never paid the band much attention.  I did like 'One Thing' but that was about as far as I got.  Now, back to last September.  One of my other best friends had NEVER been to a concert before and she really enjoyed 1D's music and stated that she would love to see them in concert.  So when she found out they were coming to Cleveland on their tour next year I knew we would go so tickets were purchased.

The year leading up to the concert I again didn't pay them much mind.  I was going for a friend and I was okay with that.  Most of our time in the car consisted on listening to at least one of their CD's and while I caught on to a few of the songs, I never exclusive sought time to listen to their music.

Yesterday, the day came.  I was going to a concert where thousands of screaming girls,  most likely at least a few years younger than myself, would go absolutely bonkers for these guys on stage.  Oh joy.  However, the way the boys were on stage impressed me.  They were very thankful of their fans and you can tell that they know they wouldn't be where they are now if it weren't for the fans.  They were constantly thanking everyone and showing such an appreciative-ness that I have never seen at any of the several concerts I've been to.  In fact they even solidified that the lead singer of Papa Roach is an asshole because instead of thanking everyone he just called everyone fuckers.  The boys were also very mature but also had tasteful fun on stage.  They weren't trying to get with any girls and instead spoke to an older couple that were celebrating their anniversary.

In summary, these are the things I learned:

1. These thousands of screaming girls have passion and it's contagious.  They care so much for these gentlemen it's really quite astonishing.  Not all of them just want to bang them, they care about their life and are supportive through everything the band has been through this year.  It's really great to see something so positive in such a negative world.  I was given hearts and glow sticks by some of the fans that I didn't even know to hold up during certain songs to show support.

2. The UK raise their men right and the US has a looooong way to go to catch up.

3. The Rapid is full of thirsty dudes.  To the point of being ridiculous.

4. Take a chance on things.  You may learn something. ;)

Tomorrow's Just Another Day and I Don't Believe in Time

Time goes by and I have celebrated yet another birthday.  I am now 25 and many people have reminded me that this also equals a quarter of a century.  Yippee?

Over the past few days or so I have mostly been thinking about places I have been and how a part of me will always be at some of those places that I have grown special attachments to.  Here are some examples:

1. The western side of Upstate New York on and around Lake Ontario.  These are where my very few family vacations have taken place.  It was here that I saw my immediate family in a different way other than just getting together to eat for holidays.  I also met and see my extended family here.  I've enjoyed staying at cottages right on the lake here.  It will always be one of my favorite places to go and will continue to be like another home to me.

2. Robertson Lake in Ontario, Canada.  This was my first real vacation and ultimate camping experience.  Part of me will always be at this little lake of wonder.  It's where I first gained confidence in swimming.  It's where I first really discovered my appreciation of nature.

3.  Pine Island beach/Inverness/Orlando, Florida.  As an Ohioan you are taught that Florida is paradise.  When I finally made it there in 2009 at 19 I was amazed by how different (yet strangely similar) Florida is to everything that I'm used to in Ohio.  I still get extremely excited every time I see palm trees and geckos everywhere.  I had the opportunity to discover more of Florida than just Disney World in the summer of 2012 during a roadtrip that just made me love the state even more.

4.  Millennium Park, Chicago, Illinois.  Whenever I think about Chicago I think about the canal in Lurie Gardens in Millennium Park.  I loved the peace that soaking my feet in the canal gave in the middle of the city.

Millennium Park is the only place in this list that I have been to just once.  All of the others have been twice with the exception of the Orlando area of Florida which is now around five times and soon to be six.

Each of these places are very special to me and I always look forward to visiting new places to add to the list.

Month 1 of 12

1.  January ends this week which has given me my first taste of what 2015 has to offer so far.  Let's take a look:

• a) Karma has been working so far.  Bravo.
• b) Less worrying.  I've learned to trust myself more.
• c) Giving less shits.  This has proven to be one of the best things so far.  I narrowed down what I see on Facebook to a select few people that I actually would care to see updates from.  Everyone else I see when I didn't click on the "Close Friends" column fast enough.  I spent too much time looking at everyone's updates.  Now that time is better spent watching The Simpsons.
• d) Taking on new things at work which has been very exciting.
• e) Losing some loved ones.  This mostly effects Evan but what effects Evan also effects to me.  RIP Casey Joe and Uncle Rick.

2.  Life Planning.  This has suddenly become more exciting than scary as fuck.  Disclaimer: this has nothing to do with children, getting married, or any of that other "gender norm wants" crap.  

3.  Snow still sucks.  Unless it does it when I don't have to go anywhere.  In that case, it still sucks, just significantly less.

4.  Vacation planning.  I've never planned a vacation on my own.  As in booking hotels, planning where to go on what day to make everything go smoothly and experience as many things as possible.  Which is especially hard when it's places I have never been at all.  Or even know anything about.  

5. Trying to organize and let go of things I don't need.  This actually goes along with the life planning.  When the time comes, I would like to transition the smallest amount of things I can.  The problem is, getting myself motivated to do this.  I had a lot of motivation at the end of 2014 and it has since subsided.  Unfortunately.

6.  I only have 4 pages left of my final Disney World scrapbook.  I said it would be finished before the end of February and it most definitely will be.  Woot!

2015 Bookish Resolutions

1. Read more series.  Including:

• Percy Jackson and if I fall in love with it then Heroes of Olympus so I can have debates with my co-workers.
• Chaos Walking trilogy by Patrick Ness
• Finish the Shatter Me series (I'm planning on doing this in January IF UNRAVEL ME WILL EVER COME IN AT THE LIBRARY *ahem*)
• Infernal Devices trilogy.  Even though I didn't like City of Bones, I would like to give her other series a shot.
• Actually finish the Twilight series because I never read Breaking Dawn.  I'll probably have to re-read the series because it's been a loooong time.
• Throne of Glass, Falling Kingdoms, Shadow and Bone, Mara Dyer, Lunar Chronicles, gah so many.

2. Read more books that I own.  I have too many un-read books on my shelves.  At least if I come across some I don't want to keep I can donate them and clear off room for books that I actually want there.

RIP 2014

I have severely neglected this blog this year which in all honestly I am okay with.  I don't need to put my whole life out there for the general public to see.  I'm just not about that life yo.  However, I am keeping with tradition of wrapping up my year on here and randomly updating when it crosses my mind.

January:  Ohio was slammed with crazy cold temperatures.  One night the windchill was -58 degrees Fahrenheit.  This was when a lot of people were scalding themselves because they threw pots of boiling water into the outside air (the water almost instantly freezes and turns into snow) without first calculating which way the wind was blowing.  I, was not one of those people.
Stephanie and Matt came up from Florida for a week of adventures which mostly included Mr. Hero and thrift store shopping.  We finalized our plans to return to Disney World this year in October.  I also bought my first smartphone, and iPhone 5s.

February: According to my journal this was a very boring month.  Ohio was still damn cold.  I did discover the crab linguini alfredo from Red Lobster though.  That shit is good.

March: We officially booked our Disney World trip for October.  My co-workers son had very unexpectedly passed away which slipped me into a depression.
I went to Washington D.C. for the first time which completely changed my point of view on life and the United States.  Evan and I celebrated our 6 year anniversary though I really don't remember what we even did.

April: Haha so I didn't write anything down in April and I didn't take any pictures.  So nothing happened in April.

May:  I went to a lot of parks this month.  I also went on an owl hike but didn't see or hear any owls.  There were bats though!  There were also a lot of thunderstorms.  One formed an EF-1 tornado a town over.  Evans dad lost his job so there was talk about us moving to Florida which unfortunately never happened.  Evan, Matt, and I went to Free Comic Book day as well as waiting in line at the Disney store on May 4th to get Star Wars pins.

June: Megan and I went to the BookLoft in Columbus.  Evan and I and our parents went to an Indians game.  Of course they lost. They seem to do that now when I attend.  I used to have a good winning streak going.  My mom and I stayed in Columbus for a weekend.  Evan and I went to the Cleveland zoo and renewed our zoo membership.

July: This was the first year Evan and I didn't go to the country club to watch the fireworks.  This was also the first year our city fireworks came back and we didn't go to that either.  I sat in my kiddie pool very often.  I also rode my bike to work.  I also was an emotional creature for stupid reasons.
Megan and I went to the Ashland Balloon Festival where I was going to ride in a hot air balloon but they started late and I didn't end up getting the chance to.  Lame.

August: I turn 24.  I also keep forgetting that I am 24.  I went with Evan and his parents to the Toledo zoo which we hadn't been to in awhile.  Their new penguin exhibit is awesome.  Stephanie and Matt were up from Florida again.  We went to the beach, thrift shopping, and all of the usual things we catch up on when they return.

September: Another month I don't have much about.  Gas prices started dropping.  This was the first time prices were less than $3 a gallon in forever.  Now at the very end of December they are even less than $2 a gallon in some places.

October: DISNEY WORLD!  We went from October 2nd-9th and stayed at the Animal Kingdom Lodge - Kidani Village.  This was the best trip yet.  We were constantly moving and doing stuff.  I somehow finished the Tower of Terror 10-Miler without training.  It was the hardest thing I have ever done.  It seriously made me wonder how the hell I completed a half marathon the year before.  During this trip we also went to Sea World where I pet a penguin.

November: Almost all of my friends and I were finally able to get together as a group to hang out for the first time in forever (no, this is not a Frozen reference).  We got together around Thanksgiving at the Winking Lizard and ended up at a house for shenanigans.  Big Hero 6 came out which is an amazing movie.  Go see it when you finish reading this.

December:  I officially move from working at Adult Reference to Youth Services.  I'm still getting used to the change but I hope I'm adapting pretty well.  Christmas time was actually great for once.  I was relaxed and happy instead of pretty angsty.  I am completely grateful for everything everyone gave me.  The generosity of people can blow me away sometimes.

So that was 2014.  It definitely had it's up and downs.  Here's hoping to a better 2015.  Apparently in my journal at the beginning of 2014 I wrote that I am more looking forward to 2015.  Well here it is!

Be The Change You Wish to See in the World

1.  There's something special about the day before your birthday.  Maybe it's the knowledge that it's the final day before a new beginning.  In a way, it's sort of like New Years Eve.  Just less explosive.  Unless the day before your birthday happens to fall on the 4th of July.  I'm not quite sure what it is, but I like it.

2.  Birthdays, however, have a strange pressure to be a great day.  You automatically expect something out of it.  This year, I'm not expecting anything out of it.  I will be 24 tomorrow.  If the number of years I've been alive were hours I would be one day old.  What a hell of a day it's been.

3.  Looking back on 23 I'm amazed at how much I've grown.  My entire thought process is almost completely different from what it used to be.  I appreciate more.  I expect less.  I observe and try to understand the world around me.  I make note of the little things that I used to not think about.  Question things.  In a way it has opened my mind to a whole new world.  A whole new experience.  It is a blessing and a curse.  I love having the power of understanding but it is also a great burden.  It ways heavy at times which frustrates me.  Makes me angry.  Which in turn is of no use.  Anger leads to hate.  Hate leads to suffering.  There is no point in wasting my energy on being angry.  There is also no point in getting flustered when plans don't go the way I wanted them to.  I finally learned to let it be.  That is what I will take into the next year of my existence.

Your Thoughts Come With 'Give a Penny, Take a Penny'

1.  This is the summer that wasn't summer.  It in no way feels like it should.  Or maybe I am just getting to old because this is my first summer that isn't following the completion of a school year.  Regardless, the weather has been much cooler than normal.  I have had a few days in just the past few weeks (the so called "dog days" of summer) where I have worn sweaters and zip-ups.  I haven't even worn shorts at all this year with the exception of swim shorts.  Summer was the season that always boosted my spirits but instead I feel the same melancholy way I have the whole year.  I seriously don't know what my problem is.  Will I always be in this funk?  Is this the fucking adulthood funk?  If so, how do people deal with this shit?

2.  I did, however, figure out a question I have had the past four or so years.  Has the world always been this messed up and I never noticed or is it just now really bad?  It has always been like this.  I just now have the knowledge to understand it and pay attention.  It's shitty, but I always try to force myself to look at the positive because there is so much of it.  Unfortunately, it doesn't receive the attention it deserves.

3.  All of these big life decisions seem to be dropping on me at once.  Does anyone ever really have their life together or is it a constant struggle to see what pieces fit the best?  Are we always searching for something that could possibly be better?  The majority of my high school classmates are either married, engaged, or have children.  I cannot even imagine any of those right now and that's not just because I have absolutely zero desire to ever have children and am not too keen on the whole marriage thing.  I'm feeling that my outlook on life is vastly different from those around me.  Which doesn't bother me too much, I am still very excited for someone when they are excited about any of the previously stated things, but it would be nice for someone else to understand.

4.  In two hours I will have approximately one week left of being 23.  I don't expect 24 to be much better since I will technically now be in my mid-twenties.  How the hell did that happen?   I really don't feel like I should be at this age already.  Almost a quarter of a century old.  It's sad when my next big age milestone will be 30.  Though, after all, it is just a number.

5.  Disney World will be in two months.  I cannot wait.  Though I wish I were staying there longer than a week.  I need one week for Disney and one week for just general Florida stuff with my friends.  I'm hoping to just be able to stay up all night one night so we could go to the ocean or something.  Experience the nature and not just the constructed funland.

The World is My Bivalve Mollusk

1. I dug my bike out of the garage and have been using it the past two weeks.  The exercise has felt amazing and so has the fresh air.  One of my goals for the summer is to bike to Teppan Square in Oberlin.  Reasoning: 1) Finally have Cowhaus Creamery and 2) I discovered the Oberlin College library has a book that I cannot find anywhere that I MUST READ.

2.  My world view has changed so much in just the past year.  I know that this will continue to happen as I age but I find it pretty damn exciting.  However, since I still feel like I am stuck in my rut of a hometown, I still have a strong desire to move elsewhere.  Right now the two possibilities are Boston and somewhere in Florida.  I'm perfectly content with either of these.
First of all, I would love to move to Boston because several publishing companies are there which is something that I would love to get into.  Some drawbacks are the fact that I have never been there so I am not sure how I would feel about the atmosphere.  Also, they still get snow and I just really want to get away from that shit.
I would also love to move to Florida because one of my best friends lives down there, there's always something to do, and there is no fucking snow.  The drawback is I have no idea what I would do career wise.  From what I have heard, Florida is hurting for jobs similar to how it is up here and that's not what I want to deal with for a long period of time.

3.  Our backyard tree was hacked down today.  It just makes me really sad.  I plan on planting a smaller tree in it's place but it's not the same.  I get tired of humans destroying the nature with its tacky human made items.  About a month ago we were driving down a street in North Olmsted, a bird was running across the street.  Now why it wasn't flying, who knows, but that's not the point.  I saw a car hit this bird.  At first I was completely upset and had lost all hope in the world but then I was angry.  I was so fucking pissed that humans take everything for granted.  There is no appreciation for the planet they fucking inhabit.  Humans destroy the planet without giving two shits.  I'm still very upset about that day and consider it one of the worst days of my life.

Woes of 2014 aka I knew this year would blow

My apologies for neglecting this blog this year, but as we are now halfway through 2014, my life is pretty much the same as it was before.
I'm still stuck in my hometown.
I still have the same job I had before.
Things aren't as exciting as they used to be.
I gained 15 pounds.
My room is still a mess.
I feel like nothing looks right on me anymore.
The feeling of nostalgia is a blessing and a curse.
My hair is too long.
I get out of breath too fast.
I'm still getting acne (seriously, this shit needs to end).
One boob is bigger than the other.
One ass cheek is bigger than the other.

Trying to find happiness is getting harder and harder.
I need to make a change.

Two of the Most Important Things Teachers Have Ever Said to Me

1. "Do you feel oppressed?"
2. "Question the media and the propaganda around you."

1. "Do you feel oppressed?"  This question was asked to me by a band director at my high school, Mr. Benford, after school one day around three months into my senior year.  At the time I wasn't sure what he meant.  I didn't feel oppressed.  The main thing I was interested in was receiving good grades and finding a date to prom.  Now, six years later that I have been in a steady relationship with my boyfriend (who was my prom date), I have come to realize how unjust society has defined gender norms.  I have realized this now, while my mind is no longer distracted by societal pressure to find a significant other.  Society is trying to distract us from becoming too progressive, to keep us in line.  Which leads into:

2. "Question the media and the propaganda around you."  This was said to me by my English professor during my freshman year of college, Dr. Dryden.  At the time I had just believed everything that was in the news.  I mean, they know everything, right?  During that year we had studied how bent the truth can become in the favor of one point of view while completely omitting the other.  I still walked away skeptical but I began to notice how different news stations will focus on different elements of a story.  I began to question other things that weren't said and why they were not stated.  I noticed how the propaganda we are surrounded by also structuralists and supports these created societal and gender norms.  We have become brainwashed and distracted so the powers of the world can easily keep control of it.  

Question what is posted around you.

Be the rebel they don't want you to be.