Still Hopeful

1.  Evan and I have come to realization yesterday (on our five year anniversary) that we've been arguing so much recently because we are both at the point where we have no idea what we're doing with our lives.  Before, I was like his crutch because I knew what I was doing and now that I have no idea, we realize we both just feel lost and that's causing us to lash out at each other.  Once that was figured out we just goofed around and watched Mulan, The Lion King, and half of Beauty and Beast before I needed to go home because my contacts were driving me nuts.  Earlier in the day we went to the zoo and had yummy food at Outback.  Normally for our anniversary we always go to Olive Garden but we thought five years should be different so we went to Outback instead.

2. As much as I love the Cleveland zoo, it's making me sad every time I go there.  Most of the exhibits seem so dilapidated and you hardly see most of the animals anymore.  I did receive exciting news that we're planning on going back to the Detroit zoo this summer.  We went to the Detroit zoo on our chain of zoos weekend vacation in May of 2010.  The Detroit zoo has stood in the spot as my favorite zoo of all time since.  I'm so excited to finally get back there.

3. I'm finally getting used to solo teaching and it isn't as stressful as it was in the beginning to the point where I don't loathe it as much anymore.  However, it still doesn't make me want to be a typical teacher right away.  Maybe down the line, but not right away.  It just seems like the world is full of so many different opportunities, I don't want to leap into this right away.  I want to experience other things to see what I like.  Evan is anxious to get out of his job but also doesn't know what he wants to do.  We both know we want a beach house in Bay Village but don't expect it to happen.  We can dream. XD

4. Graduation is exactly 40 days away.

5. Here's hoping the summer is full of epic adventures.

Giving No Fucks

1.  It's been a rough ass week.  As in, I haven't had a week as bad as the past one in a loooong time.  Now I can handle quite a bit of shit so even a bad week may not seem that bad to me.  This one however was shitty mcshittington.  Issues at school, issues with personal life, issues with family.  You name it, it was in my week.  I will never forget this week and I'll probably always burst into tears at the mention of it.

2.  I'm pretty sure I don't want to be a regular school teacher anymore.  Student teaching is a struggle everyday and while I feel somewhat accomplished, I'm not having fun with it.  I'm not enjoying it as much as I should.  I cannot be one of those who just sticks with a job just because.  I must enjoy my job.  I'm not enjoying this.  I dread doing it everyday.  I'm counting down the days until I'm finished with it.

3. It needs to just be May already so I can have my summer and enjoy it.

All Out of Faith

I don't think I've ever felt so lost in my life.  I just want to be finished and move on with everything.  Though I'm not sure how I would move on yet.  It seems like nothing that I want to do will give me enough money to make a living on my own.  I'm not sure if what I'm in school for is what I want to do.  Can't I get paid to read books?  Can't I work at a zoo or museum teaching people about the things they are looking at? I want to be that one person who gave them a little something extra to walk away with on their visit.  Give stickers to kids and give them the opportunity to see a giraffe skull.  At first I loved growing up.  Now, I kind of want to take it back.  Student teaching is making me go out of my mind.  I don't feel like myself anymore.  I don't feel motivated anymore.  It feels as if the fun has been sucked out of everything and I don't even know what I'm doing.  I dread walking into the building every morning.  I always forget something I needed to do that day.  There's never enough time, the kids don't listen, the parents are crazy, and I'm just worn out and tired because there's a million things I still have to do.  I have pressure from everywhere to have every little detail planned and to be completely perfect.
This isn't who I am.

Later Than Expected or Preferred

1. It sucks that in two months I'll be getting a degree that I'm not sure I want anymore.  While I love teaching, I don't like the typical classroom setting or being a typical teacher.  I want to teach kids at the zoo about animals or families about the history behind things in a museum, national landmark, or park.  I want to work at a bookstore and give recommendations or for a publishing company where I get paid to read books and write reviews on them.  How do I get jobs like that?  I can't imagine having to walk into the same classroom everyday.  I need change.  I don't know what to do.

2.  Well I guess my start should be to finish where I'm at and plow through what I have to finish before graduation so I can graduate.  At least then I'll have a bachelor's to my name and that sounds like a good start.  Next, I need to get my license so I can get a job this summer.  I'd like to work at a summer camp or something or Half Price Books, Books a Million, or Barnes and Noble.  Something with books I would also like.  Having a retail job would be a kick-start into the real world.

3.  Evan doesn't know what he wants to do either so at least I have someone to be lost with.

I Can't Help It, I'm Impatient

1. Almost finished with my first month of student teaching.  It's definitely been an experience.  I'm learning so much it's crazy.  I'm learning even more of the struggles teachers go through everyday.  It's very intense and sometimes I wonder why I got myself into this.  I'm taking a chance to help my students grow and gain knowledge and I'm not quite sure what could be better than that.

2. Passed my final Praxis test.  Which apparently is just in time because I heard from one of my friends who's in her field experience today and is still at the college for classes that the state of Ohio is changing the company that they are accepting the tests from (so it won't be Praxis anymore) and these tests don't have study guides or practice tests to review beforehand so you kind of have an idea of what to expect.  They also won't allow you to pass some of your tests using Praxis and some using the new company.  They must all be the same company or it's void and you have to start over.  Ridiculous.

3. So I finally figured out that I love Evan like mad and I absent mindedly said something along the lines of wanting one of our engagement photos to be in front of the Washington building (where we first met) of our high school (ironically the only part of it still standing from when we attended there because it's beautifully historic).  He said "You're serious about us now?  I've been waiting to hear that for a long time."  So it's pretty awesome we're on the same page now because I had no idea he felt that way.  He has been going out of his way to make me happy the past couple months which is very appreciated.  For some reason he has plans to bake me a cake this weekend.

4. With my very very VERY hectic schedule I've hardly had time for pleasure reading, which is killing me.  I also haven't had time for exercise which I'm not happy about because I wanted to do another half in the spring but I don't have time to train.  It blows.  Though I did manage to watch like 4 movies this past weekend even though I really shouldn't have.  Shame, I know I'll regret it later but damn, I need my weekends.

Young Nocturnal Cerebral

1.  I'm officially a week into student teaching.  I've went through conferences, handed out awards at an awards ceremony, took on a lot of morning stuff in the classroom, and may be helping the principal with a project.  I believe things are off to a good start.  My mentor teacher is so wonderful, I feel so lucky to have her.  The students are just as inspiring.  There are a few stragglers I'm determined to motivate to do their best before I must leave.  I expect this to be a wonderful learning experience.  I'm already learning so much already, it's insane.

2.  So far things that are keeping me sane include receiving letters from Kali, Evan, and Star Wars.  Surprisingly tumblr when people aren't posting a MILLION things that keep me from seeing my SW things.  Especially when I only get to browse twice a day.

3.  Unfortunately, there is hardly any time for reading.  It's mostly sleeping, eating, and being in the classroom trying like hell not to get sick.  Unfortunately there's an annoying tickle in my throat today that I'm really hoping doesn't turn into anything else.  Being in the classroom is really exhausting to the point where I need to get at least 8 hours a night or else the next day I have a headache that won't go away.  Let's hope this lets up because I hardly have the time to sleep that long.

4.  I start taking over the subject of reading next week which I'm quite nervous about because it's scripted and I really, really, REALLY hate scripted subjects.  They expect you to cram so much in such a small time frame, at times it seems nearly impossible.  The majority of the stories it gives are also boring.  However, most schools have at least one scripted subject, though normally it's reading and math.  Personally, I'm not a fan.

5.  See?  It's only 7:15pm and I'm tired.  But I have been up for almost 14 hours so I suppose it makes sense.

6. Since Valentine's Day was shit last year (Evan didn't even say 'Happy Vday' until I said something at like 9 at night, that's all I ask for!), I know Evan switched his schedule with a co-worker so he could have the evening off that day.  I have no idea what he has planned but he informed me we're doing something.  It's already better than last year!  I'm pretty excited.  It will also be nice because since Vday falls on a Thursday, the school happens to be closed that Friday and also Monday for Presidents' Day.  Hello, four day weekend!  Probably mostly spent writing lesson plans...

Growing Up Realizations

Almost two weeks into my final undergrad semester.  I had more focus coming back right after vacation (weird..) than I do now.  The vacation high has run down and now I just want to get back outside and jog without getting frostbite.  I hate being stuck inside like this.  I just want to escape to Sandy Ridge and do some laps.  Damn winter.

So a few days ago, Evan told me he wanted me to go desk shopping with him.  Random.  Today while we were looking he told me it's because he wanted to get a desk we both liked in case we ever moved in together, which would probably be within the next two years pending on our job situation.  I found this to be a subtle, yet sweet way of saying "I want a future with you".  He has been going down the more serious road recently which I'm good with because I care about him so much, but at the same time it's scary.  So I had told him if we get a place together my picture frames are going to look funny next to his anime scroll posters (he used to state that he would never not hang these things up even when I told him I didn't want them hanging up in our place, I came around obviously and don't see them as a bother).  Well he said that he was going to keep them but wasn't planning on hanging them up.  Instead we're just getting a curio cabinet to put my random knicknacks from travels and his pokemon.

Again, SCARY.  I'm so used to my room being my space and the thought of sharing that space with someone who is bringing their stuff into your life feels so foreign.  It wouldn't just be Kelly anymore.  Instead it's two of us.  But no more than two of us.  I won't have no babies tunneling their way out of my vagina.  NUH UH.

New Year, New Chances

First blog entry of 2013!  

The past almost week I was in Disney World!!  Unfortunately, I'm not anymore.  This was probably the most magical trip to Disney I have had.  It was my third trip and definitely won't be my last.  I completely understand why Evan's parents go multiple times a year.  Included in this trip was my fifth and sixth times flying.  I'm finally becoming more tolerant of taking flight and with that am hoping soon to fly out west.  Here's a brief summary of the trip so I don't forget it before I go to scrapbook:

Day 1:  While waiting at our gate in Columbus, my shirt struck up many conversations with people.  I wore my Star Wars shirt that had the Millenium Falcon on it and people would state they like my shirt, I would say thanks and ask why they were headed to Orlando.  I learned so many stories about people.  One man had been asked to be a grand marshal in a Disney parade, one was doing the 5K for work and was excited to take his daughter to Chef Mickey's that night for her 6th birthday.  Bonding with these people made me less nervous about the flight.  We arrived in Orlando about 25 minutes ahead of schedule (thank you wind!) with a very smooth flight down (Evan's dad still says the worst flight he's ever been on was my first flight).  We hop on the Magical Express bus to our resort, Old Key West.  Let me just say, I want to live at this resort.  It is so relaxing and has the small coastal boating town feel which I adore.  We checked in and then headed off to Hollywood Studios.  I'm really starting to like this park.  It used to be my least favorite but now I think Animal Kingdom is.  First we hopped on Star Tours because of my recent Star Wars obsession I just had to ride it.  I left nauseous but very satisfied.  We then saw MuppetVision 3D (cute) and waited in line for Toy Story Mania (this was the first ride I had been on and Evan hadn't).  Following this we had dinner at 50's Prime Time where our waiter was absolutely amazing as was the food.  We had eaten there last year but our waiter didn't stay in character and I was bummed about that.   Afterward, we went back to the resort, took a boat to Downtown Disney and looked around there for a little bit.  Fabulous ending to the first night of our vacation.

Day 2:  Headed off to the ESPN Wide World of Sports right away to pick up our packets for the races.  We met up with Steph and Matt because we would all be spending that day at Magic Kingdom.  So we rode a ton of stuff, I drove Stephanie around, finally had a crouque monsieur at Be Our Guest, finally became a Galactic Hero on Buzz, finally met Buzz, somehow crammed four people into a teacup and didn't barf or lose a limb, and had a blast during the crazy day.  Unfortunately, it had to end early because 4 of us had to be awake at 3:30 am for the 5K.  No regrets.

Day 3: Completed my 3rd 5K and it was a breeze.  My first 5K that was in Disney last year left me sore for like 2 days but now they are nothing (hooray for getting more active somehow).  After the race, we ate at Earl of Sandwich in DTD then Evan and I headed to Animal Kingdom.  We saw the Festival of the Lion King and went on the safari.  This took about 2 hours.  This was all the time I spent in Animal Kingdom.  Following this we went to Epcot where we headed to Japan right away because we adore the department store there and looked around at a few other countries while nomming egg rolls before dinner.  We had dinner at Coral Reef where I was finally placed right by the tank.  Had an amazing lobster pasta dish, rode a few more rides, and then headed back to the resort to rest up for the next morning.

Day 4:  I completed my first half marathon!  It was grueling, I was a dumbass for only training one day, but I finished and that's what mattered to me.  Now of course I'm determined to make my time better (3.5 hours is just poo but again I suck for not training and I need to get custom tennis shoes) and I think I convinced Evan's dad we need to do the coast to coast challenge eventually which is complete a half marathon in WDW and Disneyland in the same calendar year and you get an awesome medal with Walt Disney on it (hence the flying out west thing).  Following the half my feet were killing me and I never wanted to walk again but I somehow was up until 1am and walked around the parks the rest of the day.  We ate at Olivia's for breakfast which was at our resort, I fell asleep for about an hour, soaked my feet, then slept for maybe 20 minutes before heading to Epcot around 2.  I met up with Evan and Matt to explore so more countries, ate at my favorite restaurant in the world, Le Cellier Steakhouse, explored more countries, rode a boat in Mexico, went swimming at the resort, then left property to finally have some Uno deep dish Chicago style pizza.  While it was amazingly delicious (it was Evan's first time having Chicago style pizza and LOVES IT like I do) I liked Lou Minalti's in Chicago better.  However, I love them both.

Day 5: Last park day. :(  I finally rode Test Track and loved it so we went on twice first thing which worked out really well because the ride had been shut down quite a bit during our trip and we found out an hour after we rode it was down again.  We then ate around the world which was 11 countries in the world showcase.  We ordered a dish from every country and stuffed our faces.  I felt a whole new kind of full by the time we finished.  Again, no regrets.  I had some amazing food I had never had before and discovered that some foods like sauerkraut and hummus are even better when made by people from the country of its origin, which would be a big durr.  I'm pretty sure I burned like 2,000 calories during the half anyway so I was just creating a balance.  Like I said, absolutely no regrets.  After our eating marathon, we headed to Hollywood Studios and caught a few shows before eating again (yeah, we're pigs) at Mama Melrose for dinner.  We then headed off to Magic Kingdom because there were extra magic hours until 11 that night, which was perfect for our last park day.  We rode more stuff, kind of saw fireworks, and just had a blast.

Day 6: Our departure day.  We grabbed breakfast at Wolfgang Puck express in DTD and did last minute shopping.  Soaked our feet in the resort pool until the Magical Express came to pick us up to take us to the airport.  I had my 6th flight which was a very bumpy ride but still not as bad as my first because we weren't randomly dropping, just violent shaking.  After arriving in Columbus all of us Ohioans were talking about how we wish Florida's weather was up here and how we still have the rest of winter to endure.

So, fabulous trip.  Even though I missed my first day of classes ever as an undergrad but I caught up on everything quickly and returned to school yesterday.  Today was an online class day so Megan came over and we did our Wiki project.  I should probably study some for Praxis today but I'm thinking reading "Pride and Prejudiced" and watching "Sleeping Beauty" sound more interesting.

Goodbye, 2012

New Years Eve is upon us once again.  Only this time, unlike last year, I'm not missing the ball drop in order to sleep because I have a 7am flight to catch to Disney World.
For me, 2012 was the very real year of growing up.  It had it's way ups and it's way downs, but overall it was a year I'll never forget.

January: I started off 2012 with a flight right away to Disney World.  It was my second trip (the first being in 2009).  We were down there during Marathon Weekend and when I found this out during our booking, I decided to make the most of the weekends' festivities and sign up for the 5K.  I completed my first 5K within' the first week of the year, and had a blast in Disney.  Needless to say, the year started off amazingly.  The rest of January was back to school.  It was my second semester of Ashland classes and I was at a kindergarten placement.  I learned a lot about making SMARTboard lessons during this experience.

February: I don't remember much about February.  I remember Valentine's Day was horrible because Evan never said Happy Valentine's Day to me and that's all I want on the V-Day.  Honestly, I don't think it's that much to ask for of someone.

March: Saw "Spring Awakening" at the Beck Center.  It was a much smaller production than when I saw it in Detroit the first time but I loved seeing it again.  I never thought it would become one of my favorite musicals but it has.  Later in the month, my mom and I went to see Daughtry.  I loved Daughtry during my junior year of high school but haven't listened to him much since.  I mostly went to hear the songs I loved then, 2 new ones that I did like, and to make my mom happy.  My induction into Kappa Delta Pi was also this month.  I had accomplished one of my goals in college of getting initiated into an honors society.

April: Easter was spent a very untraditional way for my family of going to an Indians game.  Stephanie and I had went to the Tribe Tour at Great Northern Mall where we had signed up to play some games and win some prizes there.  Well a few weeks later I found out I was chosen for a large prize which ended up being a suite at a home game.  Since I could take 16 people, my whole family, Evan's family, Stephanie and Brenda were able to make it and we enjoyed free food and a wonderful view of the game.  And since it was quite cold that day, it was amazing to be able to go inside and not miss a thing!
Later in April, Michelle and I went to see Bowling for Soup at the Peabody downtown.  They had like 5 opening acts and by the time the band we actually wanted to see came on, it was pretty much midnight.  We were so tired and sweaty and this venue is disgusting.  There's like a creepy redroom section on the top floor.  Everything is painted black so you trip over shit.  I swear it's a fire trap.  Too many people, especially too many underagers being stupid.  Unfortunately, we only got to see them perform two songs and then we had to escape before we passed out.

May: May was where I finished one semester than instantly started a month of chaos.  I took my classes for the reading endorsement this summer and I also had to take a phonics class that for some reason I wasn't assigned to in the spring semester like everyone else.  So I had a teaching high school field experience, next to a class at the JVS then had to rush back to the college for another class.  This month was crazy but luckily there were a few awesome days I got to spend at the beach to clear my mind and make it through.

June: Plenty of beachy days.  My family vacation this year was just a weekend at Hocking Hills.  Unfortunately the evening we were there was when the earth thought it would be cool to create a land hurricane that blew through while we were trying to get to our cabin.  Branches and leaves flying everywhere, then there's a large downed tree blocking the road.  It was insanity.  We finally made it to the cabin where we discovered the storm made the water and electricity go out.  We were so sweaty from hiking earlier in the day and had to live with all the grime on us all night.  Then when we were sitting down for food finally, we find out there's a bat or a bird that's in the cabin flying around.  And since it was night and dark, we had no way to catching it or getting it out of there.  We eventually just had to leave the doors open.  We all left the next morning and luckily was able to get our money back from this experience.  I did get to see two of the caves down there and the pencil sharpener museum, so at least there was something.

July: I had my second half of the reading endorsement this month where Megan and I were tutoring 3rd going into 4th graders 5 days a week for two and half weeks.  This was an amazing experience.  I miss those kids! The day after finishing the classes, Stephanie and I set off on our roadtrip to Florida.  I ended July by finally getting to Universal Orlando and seeing the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  Where I FINALLY had butterbeer, FINALLY attended Hogwarts, AND Steph and I were actually chosen in Olivander's for our wand choosing.  Was NOT expecting that.

August: Our roadtrip ended in the first week of August.  I finally saw the Gulf coast where we saw wild dolphins.  We had our journey home where we stayed with Kali for a night in Springfield.  I'm pretty sure it mostly involved drinky drinks, Papa John's pizza, and RENT.  A few days after arriving home we were off again to attend LeakyCon in Chicago.  LeakyCon was AMAZING.  It started off crazy but then it got better.  Our last day in the city was spent walking up Michigan Ave to the Magnificent Mile, seeing the Bean and Milleniuum Park, and Navy Pier.  We then rushed to grab a taxi as it started to rain to rush back to the hotel and grab our luggage to catch the next train out to Naperville.  It was crazy going from the middle of nowhere Inverness to the hustle and bustle of Chicago.  It was an amazing two and a half weeks of summer on the go.  Even though I spent way too much money. XD  Oh!  I also turned 22 this month.  On the exact day we left for Chicago. <3 p="p">
September: September sucked.  This was the month of all the issues my dad was going through.  He's MUCH better now luckily.  So yeah, that's about it for September.

October: I FINALLY saw Boys Like Girls in the flesh.  This made my life seeing my 2nd favorite band the year after my first favorite.  The All American Rejects was also with them and that was pretty epic as well.

November: Haha, wow.  This was just last month and I hardly remember it.  It must have just been focusing on my 18 credit hour, 120 hour field experience.  I survived!  Oh, there was also an educators conference at Bowling Green.

December: I made it to the end!  Finished all of my classes this year with a 4.0.  So far I've just been enjoying my winter break before student teaching by reading and cleaning my room.  Leaving for my third trip to Disney World (though I suppose it's technically my fourth because we did enter property during the roadtrip but didn't go to a park) in 10 days!  Now I'm off to hopefully snarf a Big Mac because I'm oddly in the mood for one.

Have a great New Year, everyone!

It's Right Outside Your Door

Well it's been a little over a week and I've made progress on many things.  Hooray for a productive break!

1. I finally got around to getting my ass out there and walking fast and long.  I've only done two so far but that's because I have to give myself two rest days between so I don't fuck anything up before I even get to the starting line.  My longest so far has been 8.6 miles in just over two hours (I walk, haven't tried adding jogging yet because I need to ease my flabby muscles into this).  Luckily, my time is following right along with Evan's dads who has been training since August (he's the smart one out of all of this).

I've discovered so far that I can push myself and follow through more than I ever thought I could.  I still have 4.3 more miles that I need to put on top of the 8.6 (I'm saving the complete 13.1 for when I actually finish).  I have a little over three weeks to complete this.  By doing it now I've learned that my bottoms need to keep my thighs separated (oh god, the chaffing from my 4.3 day), wear higher socks to prevent blisters on my ankles, properly tie your shoes before you start (blisters on the ball of your foot will totally ruin your groove), and that the majority of it is your mentality on the whole thing.  You must set your mind on your goal.  The deeper in thought you are, the further you will go.

2. I finally started to clean my room.  I can see the majority of the floor now with the exception of the TV corner of my room which I will be working on today as well as getting laundry done.  My room should be PERFECT at least two days before vacation since as soon as I come home I have class the next day.  Student teaching does not sound like a good semester to have a messy room.  And they need to tell me where I'm placed already.  I want to plan!!

3. I've finally spent time with Evan the past week.  It's really tough to see each other when my school schedule and his work schedule consistently conflict each other so it's been great spending some time with him the past week.  Even if sometimes it's a random lunch date at Applebee's. :)

4. I DID end the semester with a 4.0.  I've kept a 4.0 since my last LCCC semester.  Of course when I graduate all of my coursework is involved so I won't graduate with really high honors, but it should be high enough to graduate cum laude which I'm so excited about.  I was worried about college when I finished my first semester with a 2.75.

5. I was also accepted into Who's Who Among American University and College Students.  Ashland makes a big deal of this and is giving those accepted a medal at a leadership night in April to wear for graduation.  So far I've done everything I ever wanted to do when I went to college.  I was accepted into an honors society, will wear some form of adornment besides the cap and gown when I graduate, and have at least one 4.0 semester.  Pretty much, everything I didn't do in high school.

6. 22 days until the World!

I'm so excited about what is next to come.