I Am Certain There Is Too Much Certainty In The World

Grr. So it's been 2 weeks since we found out about budget cuts at work and we still have no fucking idea what is going to happen. Most libraries have already decided what they're going to do and we have no fucking clue! Well, at least us staff don't, but the people up top have to have some idea and it's all "confidential" and they won't tell us squat. I'm sick of always going into work and never knowing if I'll be asked to leave when I get there or not. It would be a miracle if I didn't lose my job because I am so low on the seniority list. Everyone at work is tense. It was such a happy environment when the levy passed and now everything is sullen. Nobody hardly speaks anymore, it's all hush hush. If they're going to lay me off I want to know as soon as possible, but instead its being drug out. They don't want to stress us out by saying anything, but it's not saying anything that is stressing us out! In just 1 month I'll have been there a year. Just one. I wanted so badly just to make one year somewhere, I'm so close. I'll be extremely lucky if I make it.

I go back to school in a week and a half. I'm also stressed about that. School majorly stresses me out, especially when I'm giving myself high expectations. I want so bad to make the Dean's list. I feel like crap knowing my dad went to the same school and was on the dean's list. Then again he only took one class a semester and I'm taking six so I probably shouldn't even compare myself to that.

Everything just comes at once. Hopefully I'll be able to enjoy my birthday on Saturday. Although the day of my birthday usually ends up sucking, I'm hoping that will be different this time. Gaaaaaah.